Where do I begin? This whole blog started out as a way for family and friends to keep up with us while we were on the mission field in Alaska. Since moving back to Alabama, I have struggled with what to do with it. I didn’t want to delete it, but I also didn’t want it to just sit here serving no purpose. I kept feeling like God wanted me to use it as an outlet to write the things He tells me—the things that I am learning and growing in—but the perfectionist and people pleaser in me has never really let me do that. I have posted a couple of things, but have had a hard time letting go and letting God write my blog.

Well, I finally decided to let go! For so long I have tried to be the perfect wife and perfect supermom only to be left feeling defeated when I obviously couldn’t reach the perfection that I desperately strived for. I have come to realize that I have been trying to please man and not God. I have been so afraid for so long that I wouldn’t measure up that I never really expressed my true feelings or let people see the true me. This has been something I have dealt with my entire life. I have never really reached my full potential because I am afraid it won’t be perfect. Because of this ridiculous strive for perfection, I find myself not completing very many things. If it isn’t perfect, I will re-do it which leaves me with a lot of unfinished projects. I really can’t tell you how many times I have started over in my checkbook register because I have either entered something wrong or the numbers look messy. This is absurd!! I have finally come to the realization that no matter how hard I try, I will never be perfect, but if I do everything for the glory of God, He will make it perfect.

Hence, the reason for the new direction of this blog. I am embarking on a Bible study about Esther and her life has always spoken to me. She found herself in a situation that must have been difficult, but she listened to Mordecai when he said that she was where she was “for such a time as this”. Now, I am not a beautiful queen charged with the task of saving my people, but I am a daughter of the King of Kings who has been charged with the task of raising 2 little boys to be so in love with their Savior that they would go to the ends of the earth. I have also been given the task of being a supportive, encouraging, praying, uplifting, courageous wife of a minister of the Gospel. Can I do this all on my own? NO! In my eyes, I fail every time because what I do isn’t perfect, but Praise God I am where I am because He chose for me to be here “for such a time as this”. I promise to let go of the reigns and allow God to direct my path and allow Him to write my story. I will never be perfect and I will never try to be again. I will be me because that’s what God designed!

Shanna