Stop Talking About It Mama!

Let me start off by saying that my son Corban has a fear of needles. His isn’t afraid like my being afraid of snakes or spiders, instead, his fear is debilitating. He is so afraid that he has to be held down and he yells for someone to help him. He is articulate enough to explain his fear. He tells his dad and me, as well as the nurses, that he is afraid because he knows it will hurt. He always says “Give me just a minute" and “It’s going to hurt so bad!” This just crushes me. I think I end up crying harder than he does.

Well, when we took him to the ER Friday night (he had pneumonia, strep, and sepsis), he had to have an IV…terrible, I know. Well, we weren’t lucky enough for that IV to last because it slipped after a couple of days and they had to put a new one in. So, the battle began again. As the nurses were working on him, I was holding him and turning his face to mine…I could see the overwhelming fear in his eyes, so I was saying “Give your fears to Jesus baby.” Yeah, right! Corban looked at me and said “Stop talking about it mama! You’re making me think about it.”

Right in the middle of the chaos I heard the Lord say “See, this is what I have been trying to tell YOU.” Humbled, I told Corban that he was right and, after the procedure was over, I sat down and began to examine myself and let the Holy Spirit reveal some things to me. Funny, when you sit still and listen, (and stop trying to analyze everything), God will show you so many things. This is not always an easy thing to do, but it is imperative in order to grow. This is what He showed me: I always give God my fears and needs, but I keep giving them to Him over and over again. I end up doing just what Corban said. I think about it. Instead of giving it to God and letting Him deal with it, I “talk” about it and analyze it. What a lack of faith I have had. I should just trust that God will work in the situation and stop begging Him for it. I’m afraid that this kind of behavior has robbed me of my joy. I say “robbed”, but I really mean that I gave it away. Having the Holy Spirit living inside of me means that I have joy, I only have to choose to walk in it. Jesus is my source of joy and happiness, not this old world.